lamp, bracelet, 2-4-2, hair

hummmm-

its there in her head, never ending, tonedeaf, dead
it buzzes without pause
it dims the yellow sneaking out of the small lamp by the side of her twin bed

on it she sits wearing nothing but covers, and the one bracelet made by her lover
it is silence, but it is so loud
the digital 2-4-2 stares at her as it has for what seems like hours

is it in her head, beneath her matted hair?
or outside behind the dark curtains?

with every bit that still exists, she shuts her eyes to sleep, counting each and every awkward sheep
if boredom has a voice
it is here now with a hum, talking from the deep

yellow birds

She sits by the door. Its old oak frame supports her thoughts as would a tree hold the very small nest in its’ safe mothering arms. The dreams flutter in the silence beating their tiny memories, playing a vision that dances on the sky blue walls. Nestled in between two knobby roots, one small delicate finger trails the hem of a flower garden in pink and blue. The petals smell real but feel like corduroy. She leans back into them feeling their warm tender hold and listens to the whispers ebbing like the tide back and forth. She is drunk. The sweet wine of yesterday is fully alive- hot in her blood. The bottle lays broken and shinning, reflecting the sun like a kaleidoscope. Like stars. They travel their path up the walls and across the sky marking time slipping away with each little yellow bird. Singing and playing. She studies their every shape holding them in her mind. Each time they seem to be a little smaller, a little less brilliant. Eventually they are replaced with squawking ugly things. Lumbering and Black. And the garden turns cold, dark. And in that place lit not wholly by the moon, she sees more clearly. What was early, sweet, is now just a memory. Neither cold nor hot. And the garden under the oak tree is just a sad girl in a frumpy dress, knees knobby, sitting by a door. Cold and alone.

I need a change. The more and more I write, or read, or paint, or listen, the more and more I just need to stop doing everything the way I am doing it and do something else. Maybe this is an extension of my life, just hating the feel of static, or im finally turning the bend away from my sanity. Or maybe im just bored.

I need something.

Im going through a weird phase in life that transitions me from a rambling, nomadic twenty-something into an adult with responsibilities. I cant say for sure but I think that it is time anyways.

This could be just the thing I need.

just a thought

Today I was lying on the floor with my head spinning. That very drunk kind of melting through the floor into the depths sort of spinning. And I got to thinking, is it weird that while im here with a headache that feels like a horrible mary-go-round, I am actually spinning around in a space rock we call the Earth??

Im flying 1,040 miles/hour like a top boomeranging around the Sun.

The Sun, what the heck?! The Sun is a star. Like all the lights you see in the sky at night, twinkle twinkle and all that business. A nuclear furnace 27 Million degrees with gravity so strong we, along with any number of space crap, including planets, asteroids, comets, ect. are dragged around it. And its not even a big star.

Back to me lying on the floor.
Mind blown.

I checked the all powerful internet to see how many stars are in the galaxy. No one is sure but, about 200 to 400 billion. Our sun is just one of these. AAAnd there is anywhere from 100 to 500 billion galaxies. We have no idea. We can only guess.

Back to me lying on the floor.
Mind blown.

How did all this happen I find myself wondering... Its all so BIG I cant wrap my mind around it, its just numbers. Science says it just happened in an instant, BANG!

So does the Bible.

Back to me lying on the floor.
Mind blown.

If you take one minute out of your busy life spent walking, eating, sleeping... whatever you pretend is worth your time, and think about your God and his...

Awesomeness,

for lack of a better word, your reaction cant be anything less than to fall to the ground and...

Let God blow your mind.

go ask mom

Children wake up
Mommies kiss their heads
Daddies go to work to make some money
Or Mommies do instead
We learn all that we can to be so smart
we eat our carrots to see in the dark

And the Darkness comes in at the end of each day
to signal the end of play
And we go to sleep again
And begin

Daddy said to play fair
Mommy always told me to remember and share
Don’t watch too much television
Say thank you for what you have been given
Eat your peas
don’t climb up tall trees.

And the Darkness comes in at the end of each day
to signal the end of play
And we go to sleep again
And begin

Mommy said don’t ask stupid questions
Daddy said just because
Read the instructions before use
Sit down, shut up
“the rules are the rules”
Don’t play with your food

And the Darkness comes in at the end of each day
to signal the end of play
And we go to sleep again
And begin

School said the world spins
Round and round about the sun
In a universe shot out of a gun
“a million to one”
Mommy said don’t have too much fun

And the Darkness comes in at the end of each day
to signal the end of play
And we go to sleep again
And begin

Am I lost? (inspired by Damien Rice's Cold Water *included)

One last thing remains of me Lord, can you hear me? My vision is of fish and tangled seaweeds, of roots and darkness, am I lost now? Reaching up to you with my last feeble strength, Lord, I reach for you with my hand. It is all that is left of me Lord, can you hear me now? All the rest I have made is washed away in the cold waters, lost beneath the deep. Up is now down, I can not reach you. Cold water drowns me now. If I could only hold your hand Lord, can you hear me? Or am I…lost?






Spinning out from the center with nothing but centripetal force holding me together. You are my anchor. Without your hand I would fly away into the darkness in all directions. The mind which you gave me, tends not to rest. It is an object that would stay in motion unless acted upon by outside forces. You are that Force though not outside, but rather inside. I keep my eyes on you and the terror and fear and uncertainty of life pass under my feet, out of view. You cradle my existence like a newborn, you are my Father. Love and Peace flow out of you in abundance, turning darkness away. My life is small compared to your creation yet you still know my name and hold my hand. And keep me anchored in terrible waters

She Sits Alone

They opened their eyes to a rainy day
and even before the thought of sleep had gone away
the call to arms was heard, by all of man
with butterflies they each stood tall
rifles at the ready and with thoughts of home...

and of friends like you

the battle wore on red and cold
each side taking losses for one gained
and friends and lovers they lay slain
and lines they moved on, forward
each refusing to forgive

and the sky grew awfully dark

At home she sits alone as tears fall
with her eyes on the television set
Images of the war sweep across her face
the firefight and bomb's light illuminate
and her mind is on one man...

and out there in the night he is fighting

Through the smoke and night he picks the flight
for each little bird to sing it's song
and he pulls the trigger and paints the sky
and with a prayer he whispers her name
and he hopes to see her face again...

and she is crying

and the rain falls with the shells and the blood
And men And friends And lovers

At home she sits alone as tears fall
with her eyes on the television set
Images of the war sweep across her face
The firefight and bomb's light illuminate
And on her mind is one man

And the rain falls with the shells and the blood
And men And friends And lovers